


All Son And Games

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [32]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon-Typical Violence, Drabble Sequence, Gen, Heinz being a terrible father to Norm, No Romance, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 06:57:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: "What, did you think ababywould just fall from thesky, Perry the Platypus?"In hindsight, you should have expected the universe to deliver.





	All Son And Games

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr prompt](http://revenblue.tumblr.com/post/175602363144/accidental-baby-acquisition-for-perryshmirtz-be), "Accidental baby acquisition".
> 
> It was supposed to be a drabble. *laughs incoherently*

When you woke up this morning, you weren't expecting to argue with your nemesis about _parenting_ , of all things. "What, did you think a _baby_ would just fall from the _sky_ , Perry the Platypus?"

In hindsight, you should have expected the universe to deliver.

There's a baby ocelot in your hands. A _kitten_. You don't know how to raise a kitten, and you're _pretty_ sure Perry the Platypus doesn't either, going by the way his eyes move from you to the kitten to you again...

You're panicking too, but at least _you_ can _hide_ it.

"Guess we're parents now, huh?"

* * *

Raising a kitten is hard work. You're exhausted already, and you haven't even been looking after your new ocelot son for an hour! You deserve a break.

...Or not, you decide, as Perry the Platypus fixes you with a glare.

"Perry the Platypus," you start, hoping to placate him. "Be a dear and get us some tea?" And he does, leaving you with the kitten. Such a good nemesis. "Who's my handsome son? It's _you_!" you coo.

"Are you talking to me, sir?"

Ugh, _Norm_. "Of course not, you incompetent pile of-"

Perry the Platypus kicks you in the head.

* * *

"What was that for?" you whine, rubbing your head. It's going to bruise by tomorrow, you're sure of it.

He glares at you, arms folded.

You do the same, suddenly defensive. "It's not like I _meant_ it. Norm, you know I don't mean any of it, right?"

"I have sufficiently lowered my expectations, sir," he says cheerfully.

"That's great, Norm." You turn back to the kitten, who's enthusiastically hunting your shoelace. "Who's a cute little hunter, it's _you_. I couldn't ask for a better son- _OW!_ Perry the Platypus, not in front of the-"

Why does he keep _hitting you_?

* * *

You groan, too tired to fight him off. Why bother. "I swear, if you set a bad example for Floofenshmirtz-"

Perry the Platypus hoists you up by the front of your shirt, more furious than you've ever seen him, and you brace for the punch you know is coming.

Any moment now...

Nothing.

When you dare to look, he's pointing at Norm, still glaring at you.

"What _about_ him?" 

Perry the Platypus's raised eyebrow is all the answer you need, and you laugh.

"Oh, I _get_ it! You're saying _Norm_ is our son! Hahaha, great joke-"

It's not a joke.

* * *

He makes you apologise to Norm, elbowing you in the ribs every time you let the point get away from you.

Then, a wildlife centre sends people to pick up Floofenshmirtz. You're sad to see him go, but Perry the Platypus assures you it's for the best. Well, he holds your hand, same thing.

"What do we do now?" you ask when they're gone. "I have all these _paternal feelings_ and nowhere to-"

"Why don't we play catch, sir?" Norm says.

Perry the Platypus squeezes your hand.

"Yeah," you say, grinning down at him, "I like the sound of that."

**Author's Note:**

> They had a very enjoyable time, the end.
> 
> I had to keep going honestly. Mostly for Norm's sake.


End file.
